Personal Diary Entry: 11th Aprill 2014

Don't give hope, where there is none.
Leave their lives alone, to what they've been given.
Their smile, so sweet so precious, rob it not.
The kindness and companionship they share, are all given from God.

Stay in my own circle, overlap with none.
For to intertwine is to step out, to start new, to be open.
To be vulnerable, to be weak, where their warmth supercedes.
I cannot go back to before, nine months plus five years more.

Video games I started out with, virtual reality is my unspoken peer.
Loneliness became my friend, I respawn a thousand times, death is still my fear.
Imagination & fantasy I go back to, when the world chokes me with its daily blue.
I cannot go back to before, nine months plus five years more.

So I harden up my heart, I can't give in no more, I expose no more.
This is the only tunnel I see light at the end, the rest all pitch-black.
Elizabeth & Narcissus I made friends with, I trust only mt own two hands.
I cannot go back to before, nine months plus five years more.

It all started with a need for love, it turned to envy then jealousy.
Strife as I might to achieve what everyone has, happiness is their God & their own.
Secrets, deep and dark lurk behind a mask. A facade.
I cannot go back to before, nine months plus five years more.

I waste my life now, I don't really care. I live the life I wanna live!
They came into my life but what I need, they cannot give.
This is the life I wanna live!
I cannot go back to before, nine months plus five years more.

I wrote this 10days after the break-up...