RANT SESSION #1

I don't know what's her game.
I don't feel at peace right now.
What the hell, why am I angry??

I had to be cold to her ystd. I had to.
I can't give her hope when I made up my mind already. I won't.
And now am feeling shitty. No, I'm not guilty for being hard on her.
She has to learn to stand on her own. I can't be there for her anymore.

She broke up with me and now she wants me back.
WHAT
THE
HELL
...I feel played. I won't go back. I won't go back..

After 2 months since the break up, I finally felt peace.
Unmovable peace, or so I thought.

We broke on 1st April:
1st week of April: Was selfless, hope that someone would look out for her.
2nd week of April: Deprived of lost love
3rd week of April: Where sadness becomes anger
4th week of April: Anger build-up

The whole of May was silent as I bottle up every single emotion that was not anger and chucked it away so as to not have my emotions fluctuate.
I finally let go after keeping it in for idk how long.. 2months? Let go of it all and let the emotions hit me like a torrent.
Let it out as in cry like a baby.. 2 Sundays ago. the 29th of June 2014.

It's 8th of July now.
I heard a slanderous rumor.
And it hurts to know that even after the break up, my name and reputation is blemished and brought down falsely.

In all the time during the relationship with my ex, I can confidently say that I have never once, with intention, encourage her mentality to grow towards a negative direction. I always made sure to groom her character, rebuke her when I see fit, and praise her too at times when she takes initiative to do some house chores or serve a kind act.

So I don't understand why what's happening to me. I know this is one of the patience-test God is giving me. But, I seriously lost my cool, my composure.. Had I not take a walk home to cool off, I think I'd be raging for the rest of the week.

just ranting... gonna go shower and take a rest.